A Snowball's Chance

"Kismet akin with a sphere of frozen precipitation in perdition situated."

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To be used in response to:

• "Will you be home by curfew?" when you're an hour from home and 3 minutes from curfew.
• "What are the Republican candidate's chances in Chicago?"
• "I'm serving liver to my toddler's birthday guests, think they'll like it?"
• "I'm hanging on to these records for when Disco gets popular again."
• "Let's invite those Mormons into the house so we can convert them to our religion."
• "I'm going to make this marriage work as long as I feel like it."
• "Let's go to Cheesecake Factory, I can probably find something that won't break my diet."
• "Something is telling me this Lottery ticket is a winner!"
• "Bought the deluxe gym membership because I'll be going in six days a week."
• "The kids have been home alone all day, I hope they did some housework."
• "Do you suppose my hard work will finally be noticed?"